A diary OF OCD

by Mandy Kay ISBN: 978-1-905610-46-4 Published: 2006 Pages: 8 Description The saying goes that all the best things come in small packages and this is certainly true of this micro-book. Mandy Kay describes what it is like to suffer from OCD (Obessesive Compulsive Disorder), a condition that is much misunderstood.This short book is ideal for sufferes who would like to understand how others deal with with this debilitating condition. About the Author More information to follow Book Extract I don't like the title OCD so I changed mine to SOUL. It gives it more of an emotional existence, rather than a medical term, albeit very explanatory. When it is written out I put a heart where the u goes; slushy, I know but that's how I like it. Basically, I have an overwhelming fear that if I don't do the things I am compelled to do, I think that something bad will happen to a loved one. I have obsessive thoughts in my head that appear randomly and I can't get rid of them without carrying out a ritual or compulsion. If I do this immediately I save myself a lot of pain and anxiety. The longer I try to hold out and not go with the compulsion the more desperate I feel. Compulsions can consist of checking, touching, counting, stepping, saying things, saving unwanted rubbish or items, taking the rubbish out and putting the rubbish in a bin bag etc. Obsessions are thoughts, impulses or images that get stuck in your mind, you have no control of them. The only way to make the obsessions go away is to perform compulsions or rituals. I am controlled by these thoughts, even though I actually know that what I am doing is ridiculous and nothing bad will happen, there is just an overwhelming feeling that it might and then, the guilt and fear consumes me. Imagine ironing a shirt, turning the iron off and later checking you turned it off before leaving the house. That seems reasonable. However when you check it again, you feel compelled to check again and again. It is like your brain hasn't realised you have checked it. There is no saved image of the iron being off. However you actually know you have checked it. Even when you have kept on looking, within a split second you question it. Basically, even though you know it's off you still think it's on. The more stressed I feel about the checking process the more I need to look again .I suppose it would be easier to not iron at all. Even then I can feel the need to check it even though it hasn't actually been turned on. It's like you are rational one second and irrational the next.