Getting Past the Affair - A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart

Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., one of the world's leading experts on infidelity, draws on more than two decades of original research and hundreds of clinical cases to chronicle the human story of what occurs before, during, and after the trauma of betrayal. In NOT "Just Friends," Dr. Glass reveals that the disclosure of infidelity is a traumatic event that can reverberate for months -- even years. An important therapeutic breakthrough, her trauma recovery approach helps couples cope with the obsessions, volatile emotions, flashbacks, and other post-traumatic reactions of betrayed partners.

In NOT "Just Friends," infidelity is any secret sexual, romantic, or emotional involvement that violates commitment to an exclusive relationship. An emotional affair, in fact, can be even more destructive to a marriage than extramarital sex. An extramarital affair that involves both sexual intercourse and a deep emotional attachment poses the greatest threat -- and this is the kind of intense infidelity that is becoming more common. In the new crisis of infidelity, more men are getting emotionally involved, and more women are getting sexually involved.

Dr. Glass provides a step-by-step guide through the stages of suspiciousness, revelation, and healing. She gives couples in the midst of turmoil the tools to reestablish safety and foster hope. Healing is not possible until the full story of the affair has been shared. Dr. Glass gives concrete advice about how to tell, what to tell, and when to tell. Eye-opening quizzes help you explore personal vulnerabilities and outside influences to ensure safe friendships and secure marriages. With Dr. Glass's profound, practical guidance, recovery and healing is possible for both partners.

Psychologists and best-selling authors John and Linda Friel have written an enormously readable and infinitely practical book that delves into what makes a relationship enduringly successful. Wherever readers are in their own relationships, this book can improve those relationships dramatically, bringing them immediate and lasting benefits.

In the tradition of their bestseller, The 7 Worst Things (Good) Parents Do, the authors examine the behaviors that happy, effective couples display continually. After careful investigation, the Friels synthesized years of clinical work into a manageable list of the most significant patterns of behavior couples must address and embrace if they want to become truly great couples. Recognizing that other patterns and behaviors certainly do exist, when patients come the Friels for help, the core issues illustrated in this book are discussed as the couples move boldly toward improving their relationships-with consistently outstanding results.

The authors found that they had not seven, but eight, key items to identify. Here are a few:

• Be Sexual
• Be Willing To Divorce
• Manage Your Fear, Hurt, Shame, And Loneliness
• Own Your Part (be responsible for creating a great relationship)

Until now, we have been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Spring, a gifted therapist and the award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of us.

This bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and with ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these:

• How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead?
• When is forgiveness cheap?
• What is wrong with refusing to forgive?
• How can the offender earn forgiveness?
• How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?

• Understand the different kinds of affairs and why they happen, including Internet and emotional affairs
• Cope with your emotions, from grief to rage
• Repair the marriage if you choose to
• Learn what it takes to be a survivor