Last Writes

A gal with a serious Ben & Jerry's habit and credits including a tome entitled "I Was Henry Kissinger's Sex Slave" can't afford to be too picky about employment opportunities. So when Beverly Hills socialite SueEllen Kingsley offers Jaine megabucks to ghostwrite a book of hostess tips, it's time to sharpen the #2s.

So what if Jaine has to take dictation from a rail-thin lady of leisure in a bubble bath, sporting man-made breasts-crafted, no doubt, by her plastic surgeon husband, Hal-that qualify as flotation devices? Pride doesn't feed the cat (and Jaine's furry roommate, Prozac, eats more than the average kitty). A dubious side benefit of this particular job is an up-close, personal view of the amorous exploits of Hollywood's ladies-who-lunch. Apparently, swinging is alive and well in LA. The only bright spot is sixteen-year-old Heidi, a girl after Jaine's own heart. Shy, overweight, and oppressed by her stepmother, SueEllen, Heidi could use a friend as much as Jaine could use an ally.

If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbor, Lance. She doesn't expect Lance--who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus--to understand. . .which is how she ends up visiting his favorite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her co-worker Giselle--a.k.a. "Frenchie"-- a brittle blonde who, when she's not making fun of customers behind their backs, adds extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. Though Jaine doesn't land a new look, she does land a new job when Passions' owner gives her a chance to write their new magazine ads.

But when Jaine arrives the next morning to pitch her ideas, she finds Frenchie pitched over, stabbed in the neck by one of her own stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is figure out who hated Frenchie the most, in a case of death by designer knock-off. . .

"A tale of fashion run amok. . .a lively sense of humor and an ear for the absurd help Jaine overcome any number of setbacks and a host of fashion no-nos."--Kirkus Reviews

No one seems to need her help more than geeky, gawky Howard Murdoch. His request is simple enough: a letter proclaiming his undying love for Stacy Lawrence, a gorgeous aerobics instructor. The fact that he's never actually met the woman gives Jaine pause--but she soon overcomes her misgivings, warms up her computer, and starts pitching woo on Howard's behalf.

To Jaine's surprise, the letter is a success--the unlikely Romeo lands a date! But his triumph is, sadly, short-lived. On Valentine's Day, Howard finds Stacy bludgeoned to death with a Thigh Master--and is quickly named the prime suspect.

Upon hearing the news, Jaine is shocked. Sure, Howard's awkward, eccentric, and a tiny bit odd. But a murderer? That's hard to believe. Especially after a little sleuthing turns up a whole bunch of people who harbored less-than-loving feelings towards the svelte Stacy.

But Jaine had better wrangle her clues quickly, before a crafty killer catches on--and puts a whole new spin on her ghost writing career. . .

Not only is Dorcas's act a bomb, she is heckled by Vic, a gorgeous fellow comic. Naturally when Vic is murdered with Dorcas's pantyhose and that same Dorcas is standing over his dead body, the police arrest. . .Dorcas. They figure it's an open-and-shut case, although Jaine figures no killer can be that dumb.

But when Jaine sets out to find the real culprit, she is distracted by one dating disaster after another with Andrew--and she may not see the dark side of comedy until she faces the business end of a gun and a cold, deadly grin. . .

"Fun. . .Jaine's dogged sleuthing and screwball antics will entertain fans of this fizzy series." --Publishers Weekly

Jaine's accepted her share of lame gigs to pay the bills, but rewriting Shakespeare's got to be an all-time low. The fiasco begins with a call from Jaine's high-school nemesis, uber rich uber witch Patti Devane. It seems Patti will soon be sashaying down the aisle with another former classmate from Hermosa High, and she'd like the exchange of vows to evoke Romeo and Juliet. . .except without the "downer" of an ending.

Even worse than the assignment itself is dealing with Patti as a client. At least Jaine's not alone, as nobody can stand the demanding, spoiled, and incredibly rude Bridezilla from Hell. Patti's managed to rack up an amazingly long list of enemies in a short time, not the least of whom include her prospective mother-in-law, the soon-to-be ex-wife of Patti's stolen soon-to-be groom, and just about everyone involved in the wedding preparations. So it isn't a complete surprise when the erstwhile Juliet plunges to her death during her balcony scene.

The loosened bolts that brought down the bride were clearly an act of sabotage--what's not so obvious is whom, among Patti's numerous haters, committed this murder most foul. Was it the caterer she threatened to ruin? The bridesmaid tossed out of the wedding party for being too chubby? Jaine's determined to learn the truth--if only to end the hideous walk down memory lane kicked off by her association with Patti.

Things are already off to a rocky start when Jaine discovers a stowaway amidst her luggage--her persnickety cat Prozac. Jaine's sinking sensation grows stronger at dinner, where she meets chatty Emily Pritchard, a wealthy seventy-year-old who's traveling with her two nephews. Jaine can't help noticing the tension among them, especially when the cruise's charming--and sleazy--British dancer, Graham, whisks Emily out onto the dance floor.

Soon Emily is accepting Graham's invitations to every social event on the ship. Two nights later the bubbly couple announces their engagement, but the news is quickly overshadowed the next morning by the discovery of Graham's body with an ice pick protruding from his chest. . .

When Bunny generously offers Jaine a gig writing Marv's new advertising campaign, Jaine accepts the job, and an invitation to her upcoming soirée. But at the party Bunny cruelly rules the Cooper mansion and before the evening is over, someone poisons Bunny.

The police arrest Lance, but Jaine knows his murderous urges end at her closet door. Setting out to clear his name, she soon discovers a list of suspects longer than Bunny's credit card bill. . .

"Zany. . .series fans will find Jaine as funny as ever." --Publishers Weekly

Among her bulge-battling companions is Mallory Francis, a B-list movie star with a knack for making frenemies. When she's found strangled during a seaweed wrap gone awry, Jaine is hard-pressed to think of anyone who couldn't have done it. While the suspects mount faster than her hunger pangs, Jaine's search for truth, justice and contraband calories leads her straight to a cold-blooded killer--where murder may be on the menu once again. . .

"Her books are so outrageously funny, they always make me laugh out loud."--Joanne Fluke

Praise for Laura Levine's Jaine Austen series

"Delightful. . .Jaine's wit shines throughout." --Publishers Weekly on Pampered to Death

"If you love a good mystery, this book is for you." --New York Journal of Books on Death of a Trophy Wife

Hannah Swensen has to admit life is pretty sweet. Things are going well in the romance department and her bakery's delectable confections are selling as fast as she can bake them. Even her good friend Claire is head over heels with her new husband, Reverend Bob Knudson. If only they could find time to take their honeymoon!

When Bob's childhood friend, Matthew Walters, comes to town, it seems like divine intervention. Matthew, like Bob, is a Lutheran minister with a stubborn sweet tooth. Since he's on sabbatical, Matthew is happy to fill in for Bob while he and Claire take that long-awaited honeymoon. It sounds like the perfect plan--until Hannah finds Matthew face-down in a plate full of Devil's Food Cake, a single bullet in his head. It will take some sleuthing to sift out the killer, but Hannah is sure of one thing: even the most half-baked murder plot can be oh so deadly. . .

Features over Ten Cookie and Dessert Recipes from The Cookie Jar, Including Red Devil's Food Cake and Carrot Oatmeal Muffins!

"Fans will be eagerly awaiting the next installment." --Booklist

For Hannah, life seems to be lacking a certain flavor lately. Maybe it's the local sheriff's election that's got her down. For years, Sheriff Grant's been the iron hand in town. But now, Hannah's brother-in-law Bill is giving the old blowhard the fight of his long, dubious career--and Grant's not taking it well, especially once the polls show Bill pulling ahead.

But before anyone can taste victory, things go sour. While Hannah's emptying the trash, she makes a very unappetizing discovery: Sheriff Grant's body in the Dumpster behind the high school where she's teaching her cooking class. And as if that weren't bad enough, the poor man still has fudge frosting on his shirt from one of her cupcakes.

The number one--and only--suspect is Bill, but Hannah's not swallowing it. Plenty of people had reason to hate Sheriff Grant. Soon, Hannah's dishing up scandalous secrets, steaming hot betrayals, and enough intrigue to keep the gossip mill at The Cookie Jar going through several pots of decaf. And the closer Hannah gets to the truth, the closer she gets to smoking out a murderer with a very nasty recipe for silencing people. . .

"For fans of culinary mysteries."--Library Journal