Poisoned Tarts

A gal with a serious Ben & Jerry's habit and credits including a tome entitled "I Was Henry Kissinger's Sex Slave" can't afford to be too picky about employment opportunities. So when Beverly Hills socialite SueEllen Kingsley offers Jaine megabucks to ghostwrite a book of hostess tips, it's time to sharpen the #2s.

So what if Jaine has to take dictation from a rail-thin lady of leisure in a bubble bath, sporting man-made breasts-crafted, no doubt, by her plastic surgeon husband, Hal-that qualify as flotation devices? Pride doesn't feed the cat (and Jaine's furry roommate, Prozac, eats more than the average kitty). A dubious side benefit of this particular job is an up-close, personal view of the amorous exploits of Hollywood's ladies-who-lunch. Apparently, swinging is alive and well in LA. The only bright spot is sixteen-year-old Heidi, a girl after Jaine's own heart. Shy, overweight, and oppressed by her stepmother, SueEllen, Heidi could use a friend as much as Jaine could use an ally.

If clothes make the man, then what do Jaine's elastic-waist pants and T-shirts make her? A fashion nightmare, according to her neighbor, Lance. She doesn't expect Lance--who works in the designer shoe department at Nieman Marcus--to understand...which is how she ends up visiting his favorite boutique, Passions. While the couture is definitely not for Jaine, the staff's gossip is. Tiny orange-haired clerk Becky starts complaining about her co-worker Giselle--a.k.a. "Frenchie"-- a brittle blonde who, when she's not making fun of customers behind their backs, adds extra-marital notches to her Chanel belt. Though Jaine doesn't land a new look, she does land a new job when Passions' owner gives her a chance to write their new magazine ads.

But when Jaine arrives the next morning to pitch her ideas, she finds Frenchie pitched over, stabbed in the neck by one of her own stilettos. Now all Jaine has to do is figure out who hated Frenchie the most, in a case of death by designer knock-off...

"A tale of fashion run amok. . .a lively sense of humor and an ear for the absurd help Jaine overcome any number of setbacks and a host of fashion no-nos."--Kirkus Reviews

Jaine still hasn't found a good man--or a way to keep all those sugary snacks from going straight to her hips. But--with a little help from her best friend Kandi--she's finally landed a gig as a sitcom writer! True, Muffy n Me isn't going to win any Emmys, but for Jaine, being on staff sure beats writing boring brochures and bad resumes. Until the plot thickens--with murder. . .

Jaine figures the trouble all started when Muffy n Me's hottest star, gorgeous Quinn Kirkland, seduced the head writer--whose husband also works on the show. But when Quinn's caught in bed with the barely-legal actress who plays his niece, things really heat up--and his many jealous girlfriends start to figure things out. . .

So when the no-good heartthrob drops dead after nibbling a poisoned doughnut, Jaine isn't terribly surprised. But who could have done it? A competitive co-star and a couple of scorned lovers top Jaine's list of suspects, but the police have zeroed in on her man-crazy pal Kandi. Now Jaine has to figure out who finally stopped Quinn's cheatin' heart--before her best friend ends up behind bars. . .

"The wisecracks and puns again fly fast and thick." --Publishers Weekly

"Hilarious and an absolute delight to read."--I Love a Mystery

Not only is Dorcas's act a bomb, she is heckled by Vic, a gorgeous fellow comic. Naturally when Vic is murdered with Dorcas's pantyhose and that same Dorcas is standing over his dead body, the police arrest...Dorcas. They figure it's an open-and-shut case, although Jaine figures no killer can be that dumb.

But when Jaine sets out to find the real culprit, she is distracted by one dating disaster after another with Andrew--and she may not see the dark side of comedy until she faces the business end of a gun and a cold, deadly grin...

"Fun. . .Jaine's dogged sleuthing and screwball antics will entertain fans of this fizzy series." --Publishers Weekly

Even worse than the assignment itself is dealing with Patti as a client. At least Jaine's not alone, as nobody can stand the demanding, spoiled, and incredibly rude Bridezilla from Hell. So it isn't a complete surprise when the erstwhile Juliet plunges to her death during her balcony scene. The loosened bolts that brought down the bride were clearly an act of sabotage--what's not so obvious is whom, among Patti's numerous haters, committed this murder most foul...

"Rollicking…Levine's slick wit and sure pacing make this another hit in this entertaining series." --Publishers Weekly

While the police start their investigation, Lucy gets busy writing up the murder for the local Pennysaver--and following a few leads of her own. Lucy knows the women in her neighborhood didn't like Mimi, but they certainly didn't want her dead...right?

"I like Lucy Stone a lot, and so will readers." --Carolyn Hart

"Leslie Meier writes with sparkle and warmth." --Chicago Sun Times

Things are already off to a rocky start when Jaine discovers a stowaway amidst her luggage--her persnickety cat Prozac. Jaine's sinking sensation grows stronger at dinner, where she meets chatty Emily Pritchard, a wealthy seventy-year-old who's traveling with her two nephews. Jaine can't help noticing the tension among them, especially when the cruise's charming--and sleazy--British dancer, Graham, whisks Emily out onto the dance floor.

Soon Emily is accepting Graham's invitations to every social event on the ship. Two nights later the bubbly couple announces their engagement, but the news is quickly overshadowed the next morning by the discovery of Graham's body with an ice pick protruding from his chest. . .