Steve Wright’s Book of Factoids

The irrepressible, hysterical, puntastical Tim Vine, star of stage and screen, treats all of us here in his first joke book. Packed full of zingers and hilarious illustrations, if this doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will. What's not to like:

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them.

So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'

Velcro. What a rip-off.

Black Beauty. He's a dark horse.

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

This is the eBook version of the printed book.

Martha Stewart is the most famous and wealthy woman on earth--a person whose name is a brand and whose influence touches virtually every home in North America. This is the Martha Stewart story you have never heard. It is the behind-the-scenes story of arrogance and miscalculation that led Martha to a trial that should never have happened...her life in a federal prison cell, told by those who were there...her personal transformation...and finally, her carefully plotted comeback...all the way to The Apprentice and beyond. This gripping narrative reads like a mystery novel and draws upon dozens of exclusive interviews including candid discussions with many principals associated with Martha's trial.

In Martha: On Trial, In Jail, and On a Comeback, You'll go behind the scenes through every phase of Martha's fall and rise: the crime itself; the indictment and both sides' trial strategy; the damning testimony of star witness Douglas Faneuil and Martha's long-time friends; the tearful and shocking testimony of her decades' long personal testimony; the verdict and more. Robert Slater spoke to insiders at Alderson Federal Prison Camp to gain insight into Martha's prison life and behavior, including her relationship with inmates and prison authorities and how she began plotting her comeback even while still in prison.

Last but not least, he reveals the PR campaign to resurrect Martha's reputation: one that is making her the first convicted business leader of her stature to come back stronger than ever before.

A Little Taste of Heaven catering certainly knows how to feed people. Dogs, however. . .? Bernie and Libby will have their chance to impress guests of the four-legged variety when they lay out the spread for Trudy the Pug's birthday luncheon. But this isn't just any doggie 'do. Trudy's owner, Annabel Colbert, is one of the richest women in town--and as mascot of the Colbert toy company, Trudy herself is a bona fide celebrity.

When the big day arrives, Trudy and her canine cohorts are ready to dig in to the delicacies--but the first to dip her fangs into the wine is Annabel. Mere moments later, the hostess is shrieking she's been poisoned--and proving it by falling face first into her soup. After two days in a coma, Annabel is dead.

It seems the woman who had everything also had her share of enemies. In fact, Annabel was cheating, blackmailing, or backstabbing most of the people she knew, including her very own best friend, her very own husband, his personal assistant, and last but not least, Trudy's trainer and kennel owner.