You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again - One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

In this wickedly funny and irreverent memoir, Chelsea Lately writer and comedian Sarah Colonna opens up about love, life, and pursuing her dreams . . . and then screwing it all up.
 
Sarah believes we all struggle to grow up. Sometimes we want to have fun, not take things too seriously, and have that fourth margarita. Other times we would like to get married, stay in, order Chinese food, and have a responsible, secure life.
 
From her formative years in small-town Arkansas to a later career of dates, drinks, and questionable day jobs, Colonna attempts to reconcile her responsible side with her fun-loving side. Sometimes this pans out, and sometimes she finds herself in Mexico handing out her phone number to anyone who calls her pretty. She moves to Los Angeles to pursue acting, but for years is forced to hone her bartending skills; she wants a serious boyfriend, but won’t give up nights at the bar with her friends. She tries to behave like an adult, but can’t seem to stop acting like a frat boy. In the end, she discovers that there doesn’t have to be just one or the other. And if there’s one thing Colonna has learned from her many missteps, it’s that hindsight is always 100 proof.

Includes a Foreword by Chelsea Handler

In her hilarious New York Times bestseller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three children, Heather writes for and can be seen weekly on E! Channel’s hugely successful show, Chelsea Lately, and also stars in the show’s spin-off, After Lately.

But life as a grown-up—even a pretend grown-up—has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door; a stay-at-home husband who doesn’t give an inch; a sister who keeps asking for one of her eggs; and a group of neighborhood moms who stopped talking to her when she took her kids to a stripper pool party in Vegas. Plus, she still remains friends with the Kardashians and collects Bravo Housewives like they are bottles of wine.

When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power -- vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world -- a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is the best line of defense.

In this hilarious, deliciously skewed collection, Chelsea mines her past for stories about her family, relationships, and career that are at once singular and ridiculous. Whether she's convincing her third-grade class that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the sequel to Private Benjamin, deciding to be more egalitarian by dating a redhead, or looking out for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little person who looks just like her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for getting herself into the most outrageous situations. Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and irresistible turns of phrase that have made her one of the freshest voices in comedy today.

New York Times bestselling author Jenny McCarthy returns to her comic roots in this candid, wise, and witty look at women, men, sex, romance, heartbreak, love, and how (not) to fake it.

In Belly Laughs, Jenny McCarthy told you what you could really expect when you're expecting. In Baby Laughs and Life Laughs, she gave you the unfiltered ups and downs of motherhood and marriage. Now, in Love, Lust & Faking It, the inveterate truth teller turns the lights on for a funny, often poignant, and no-holds-barred look at the essence of relationships: love and sex.

Jenny explores the intensity of first love, introducing us to Tony, the boy of her teenage dreams, and Tubby, her dirty, sexy stuffed teddy bear. She takes us on a whirlwind tour of the world of aphrodisiacs and fetishes, explains the importance of playing doctor and other nice and naughty fantasies, and gives thanks for the pleasures of chocolate. And she sets the story straight on STDs, man junk and lady bits, why we really cheat, why women are master manipulators, the virtues of sex with the lights off, the power of a "loving no," the satisfaction of the perfect booty call, and so much more.

Filled with humorous stories about her own out-rageous exploits-from becoming a Playboy Miss October to the pain of getting a discount boob job to meeting Brad Pitt-as well as the lessons she's learned from family, friends, and fans, Love, Lust & Faking It takes on a subject the sex symbol, mother, television star, comedian, and divorcÉe can be trusted to examine with nothing but unvarnished honesty and earthy humor. Throughout, Jenny reminds us to aim higher, believe in true love, and, most of all, be kind to ourselves. And to have lots of fun and sex-without faking it.

Fans of the E! smash hit series The Girls Next Door fell in love with sporty Playboy beauty Kendra Wilkinson’s care- free spirit, infectious laugh, and down-to-earth nature. Now that she’s moved out of the world’s most famous bachelor pad and into her own delightfully chaotic world on Kendra as wife to NFL star Hank Baskett and mother to their newborn son, we’ve watched her hilarious antics as she adjusts to domestic life. But how much do we really know about the fun-loving star? In this humorous and optimistic, sometimes heartbreaking, but always unfailingly honest memoir, Kendra reveals the highs and lows of her extraordinary journey.

She wasn’t always the quintessential girl next door. Before she was a reality television superstar, Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend, or one of the most popular Playboy cover models ever, Kendra was an athletic tomboy whose father walked out on her family when she was a little girl. She grew into a rebellious teenager with a serious drug habit before she quit cold turkey and beat the odds to graduate from a high school that almost didn’t give her a second (or third, or fourth) chance.

Following her rocky teenage years, an out-of-the- blue phone call from Hugh Hefner changed everything. Kendra dishes candidly about life in the Playboy Mansion: the sex, the parties, the show, and even her relationships with her Girls Next Door costars—Hef, Holly, and Bridget. She tells the true story about how she and Hank met and built a relationship in secret while she was still Hef’s girl- friend and a public face of Playboy. Finally, she reflects on the slew of unexpected changes in the short space of a year that have brought her sliding into home from Playboy party girl to wife and mother with a blooming Hollywood career. If you think you’ve seen all of Kendra, think again. She’s only warming up. . . .

Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck–impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”
 
Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!
 
In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door—not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka.